Substitute
by flyingpotatoes
Summary: Sanji knew it was too late to stop now, because he has fallen too deep. It was painful, but he wanted to take advantage of the moment. Even if it meant being a substitute. Rated M for slight mentions of MxM sex, slash, angst.


Going Merry gently rocked on the dark sea waters, slightly swaying from side to side. The galley was completely dark, except for the slight glow of moonlight dripping through the window. Sanji was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall, his legs propped up. The ruckus and laughter from the boys' bunk settled and silence crept into the space that Sanji was in. It wasn't exactly uncomfortable, but on a night like this, Sanji needed a little bit of sound to distract the ringing in his head, and the slight ache in his chest.

Rustling his pockets, Sanji dug for his packet of cigarettes, slightly resenting himself for succumbing to his favourite drug to erase the pain in his chest. He has always been smoking since forever, but his cigarettes are seemingly running out faster ever since he was on board the Going Merry.

_ Ever since he saw him._

Inhaling deeply, he loosened his tie and let the nicotine fill his lungs and empty his mind. The ache in his chest was considerably lighter, but he could still feel the slight pain lingering. Sanji knew exactly what it was that could fill that emptiness in his chest, and chuckled slightly at himself. It was a joke, completely impossible. Still, the nicotine from cigarettes was a rather good substitute. Staring aimlessly out of the window, he just let his lungs expand and contract cigarette after cigarette, as he desperately tried to throw away his thoughts.

His mind slowly cleared, as he smoked the last cigarette in his pack. Rubbing the end of his cigarette on the galley floor, Sanji threw it into his pocket along with used cigarettes and slowly stood up. Just as he was about to leave, he heard the all-so familiar clank of boots thumping towards the galley door.

_It's him_.

Sanji felt like his heart sank all the way down below the hull of the Going Merry and then sprang all the way back to his throat. His foot stood rooted on the ground as the sound of his heartbeat echoed all around him. The galley was now too noisy for him to cope.

When the galley door swung open, Sanji felt all colour drain from his face. Standing by the door, head facing the ground and panting heavily, was the last person on Earth Sanji wished he would be with right now. Yet, that fuzzy green hair was unmistakable. Sanji did not dare to flinch as Zoro slowly walked towards him. Shadowed by the moonlight, Sanji was unable to make out Zoro's features, but when he stood right in front of him, and lifted his face up, the ache in his chest grew stronger than ever.

_That very same look again__._

Pinning Sanji on the wall, Zoro bit fiercely on Sanji's shoulder and nibbled along his jawline. He hastily fumbled with Sanji's clothes, and soon his tie, and dress shirt were all strewn somewhere across the floor. Yanking Sanji's nipple between his teeth, he roved his hands all over the cook. Sanji wanted to grab Zoro by the hair and smash their lips together, to touch that stupid marimo's rough skin and taste him. But it was taking all of his self-restraint not to move or show any reaction to Zoro. And it was against the rules, if there were ever any.

He knew that Zoro was not his to touch.

It was a precious moment, or at least to the cook. He knew he was treading on a very thin line, and any movement, any noise would cause the swordsman to regain his consciousness, breaking this moment, and leave him there. This wasn't the first time; Sanji had long lost count of the nights Zoro came to Sanji, and all of this would happen. He knew that it shouldn't happen anymore. It was like picking up the smashed pieces of his heart, fixing it back and fill it up with so much hope and want, only to let it break even tinier pieces at the end of all this. Yet, he wanted this so badly. It was the only time he could take advantage of the swordsman's lust and pain, the only time he could lie to himself. He knew it wasn't fair to Zoro but neither did Zoro stopped this whole thing either. And before they knew it, everything was tumbling down and it became a never-ending cycle. He couldn't remember how this whole thing started, all he knew was how he felt when he saw that shitty swordsman's eyes every single time he looked at their captain, and how he wanted to take all that pain from his eyes.

Without any warning, Zoro shoved inside Sanji and he lost it. His breaths coming in quick and harsh through his nose, Sanji clenched his fingers behind his back. Rivulets of sweat trickling along his green strands of hair, Zoro grunted deeply each time he hit that spot inside Sanji. Through heavy-lidded eyes, Sanji stared at Zoro's eyelashes. Just like all the other times, Zoro's eyes were tightly shut. As Zoro pounded deeper and harder, Sanji felt like his heart was tearing apart and swelling up in happiness at the same time. He ached for Zoro to look at him, the way Zoro looked at their captain, and yet his mind was in a blur with all the pleasure while having to restrain his voice and hands.

The galley was now filled with the harsh pants and grunts of the two.

Sanji tasted blood on his lips as he finally climaxed. After a few more thrusts, Zoro finally spilled inside Sanji. A loud and deep growl echoed throughout the galley, "Luffy!"

It was then that Sanji's whole entire soul and being tore apart into smithereens.

The swordsman never spoke during their encounters, and this was the very first time. But to hear so much want, lust and desperation coming through the parted lips of the man he loved, only to know that those words were not for him, only made Sanji feel so much emptier.

Sitting on the floor, Sanji stared as Zoro wiped away any evidence of their recent doing. The galley was silent yet again, as Zoro put on his clothes and slowly made his way out of the galley. Just as he was about to open the door, he stopped abruptly, and turned his head to glance back at the cook.

"Thanks," he mumbled. "And sorry."

The door closed behind Zoro, shutting him away from Sanji's life once again. Sanji let his head fall backwards as he laughed deeply and loudly. His laughter echoed all around him, filling the galley with sound. Sanji thought noise could cover up and distract him from all the pain, but this time, Sanji had never felt so lonely and dejected before.

Right next to him, his cigarettes - the substitute to his pain and longing - lay forgotten in his clothes pocket, just like him.

* * *

**A/N: This is my very first fanfic. Hope you guys liked it! :)**


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